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Sunday, August 08, 2004

 

Rat In A Cage!

Today I felt like a rat cornered in a cage.
My husband will probably read this and wonder why we didn't talk about this. I tried to talk about it but sometimes the words just won't come out.
I felt like I was cornered, pressured and most of all, given no choice in some of the events that happened. In our church there is a women's conference coming up (in a month's time) and hubby has been at me to go. It would be a child free day, except for the baby who would have to come with me, with a chance for me to mingle and relax and possibly learn something. I do not doubt that I would learn something from it, but how much can a rat in a cage learn when it feels cornered. It is either fight or flight at this stage.
I have nothing against the conference and many people vouch for it and it runs yearly. The last time I went, I knew plenty of people there and they are all aquantances but I felt like I was on the outside looking in, it was not a comfortable experience for me and I couldn't wait for the day to end, so when Tim sliced the top of his toe off I headed on home quickly.
This year, Tim bailed me up with a brochure which already had my details filled in for me. He offered to put it in for me but I grabbed it off him and put it in my baby bag/handbag. Next, after church had finished, I was literally cornered by the event's organiser (who is a lovely woman and I wouldn't say a bad thing about her) and I couldn't escape the conversation until she got distracted by some other women leaving church. Due to my wish to flight, not fight, I totally forgot about the Sunday School parent's meeting. I took off to wait for the kids to finish their Sunday School and was bailed up by Tim again, in front of my cousin (dunno how many times removed but is easier to say cousin) and asked why I hadn't put the brochure in.
I really did not want to stay there at that point and as soon as he had gotten distracted I took off to the car to wait until sunday school was out.
Tim, if you are reading this, and you will be, I want to make my own decision if I will go to this.
I am not a people person, despite what people will tell you. I like to be my own introverted self. I am happy sitting at home communicating via the computer, because then it is my choice to communicate or not to communicate. If I do not want to talk, I can leave my MSN off.
Do not get me wrong and think I do not like talking to you people out there, I do like to talk to you. I just want some control over what I do.
I like to go out and do things, see friends and have coffee (well milkshake since I don't drink coffee). But I am not like Tim, extroverted and preferring to be out doing something then stuck at home on his lonesome. I am happy with the 2 days a week I head out to do things because the kids are at childcare, and I have even gotten over a minor fear of talking to strangers. I do not let this restrict the girls in who they talk to (unless I thik it isn't wise) because I do not want them to be too shy.
Ok I think I have said enough, and am rambling now and have revealed more then my fair share, and will probably remove this a few days after I post it, if not sooner.

What are you folks out there like? Introverted or extroverted?

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